We reconsider the minimal SU(5) grand unified theory (GUT) in the context of no-scale supergravity inspired by string compactification scenarios, assuming that the soft supersymmetry-breaking parameters satisfy universality conditions at some input scale Min above the GUT scale MGUT. When setting up such a no-scale super-GUT model, special attention must be paid to avoiding the Scylla of rapid proton decay and the Charybdis of an excessive density of cold dark matter, while also having an acceptable mass for the Higgs boson. We do not find consistent solutions if none of the matter and Higgs fields are assigned to twisted chiral supermultiplets, even in the presence of Giudice–Masiero terms. However, consistent solutions may be found if at least one fiveplet of GUT Higgs fields is assigned to a twisted chiral supermultiplet, with a suitable choice of modular weights. Spin-independent dark matter scattering may be detectable in some of these consistent solutions.